so accustomed are we to this cliche, that we barely ever stop look at it critically, or verify its validity. in order to decide how sound this phrase is in its logic and practicality, let us first look at the term 'fair'. the dictionary defines 'fair' as an exact following of a standard of what is right and proper'. in fact, being fair involves doing things that are ethical and just, rather than things that are correct according to the law. in any situations, ethical issues are bound to arise, and whenever such ethical issues arise, actions can be categorized as either ethical or unethical, and hence fair or unfair. is it then possible for everything to be fair under any circumstances? i think not.

first, let's analyze whether any action one undertakes when he or she in love can be described as fair or ethical. suppose a man, due to his blind love for his wife, agrees to be her accomplice in committing a murder. under such circumstances, is killing fair? think of a boy who helps to cover up the fact that a girl is selling drugs to teenagers because he is desperately in love with her. are the boy's actions then ethical because he is doing everything out of love for the girl? assume a girl, in her eagerness to get the boy she loves, takes the shelter of lies in order to break the boy's relationship with another girl. does the fact that the former girl is in love whit the boy justify her lies? more often than nor, treacheries and mistakes cannot be excused only because done out of love does not make the actions ethical or fair. then, on what basis should we say that everything is fair in love?

now, think of wars. bloodshed, torture, treachery, injustice - these are the words that come to my mind when i think of wars. these are things that define wars. war itself has everything to do with unfairness. how is then everything in a war fair? a soldier holds an innocent child as hostage during the war. is that fair? a man is forced to abandon his country of birth due to a war. is that fair? no matter how much u look for it, i am sure you will not find any reasons that justify these actions. it is therefore impossible for everything to be fair in a war? one can always argue that since there are no rules during wars, everything can be regarded as right, and hence, everything can be perceived as fair. this logic is only applicable if one defines fair actions as actions that comply with laws and regulations rather than actions that can be described as being ethical. also, one can argue that since the actions are not judged at all, it can be defined as fair. although this ironic logic may be used to win a debate, it is based on the weak foundation that anything that is not unfair, and hence, it is logic considerably questionable.

there will never be any such situations where everything is fair and ethical. the statement: "everything is fair in love and war" is therefore an obsolete cliche by using which people attempt to justify acts for which they can summon no other reason or justification.

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taken from a note someone gave me days ago

i know a girl. she puts the color inside of my world. but she's just like a maze where all of the walls are continually changed. and i've done all i can to stand on her steps with my heart in my hands. now i'm starting to see. maybe it's got nothing to do with me.

fathers, be good to your daughters. daughters will love like you do. girls become lovers who turn into mothers. so mothers, be good to your daughters too.

you see that skin? it's the same she's been standing in since the day she saw him walking away. now she's left, cleaning up the mess he made.

fathers, be good to your daughters. daughters will love like you do. girls become lovers who turn into mothers. so mothers, be good to your daughters too.

boys, you can break. you'll find out how much they can take. boys will be strong and boys soldier in. but boys would be gone without the warmth from a woman's good, good heart.

on behalf of every man, looking out for every girl, you're the guide and the weight of her world.

fathers, be good to your daughters. daughters will love like you do. girls become lovers who turn into mothers. so mothers, be good to your daughters too.

The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: "Whoever had three daughters and showed patience in their keeping, their pleasure and displeasure, Allah admits him to Paradise for his mercy over them." A man asked,"And what about two daughters, O Messenger of Allah?" He said, "And two daughters as well."Another asked, "O Messenger of Allah, what about one daughter?" He said, "And one daughter as well." (Narrated by Abu Huraira. Al-Hakim)

di jalan sepanjang seratus meter yang sepi ini, saya tak henti bergerutu. ada yang salah
dan selalu disesali setelahnya. tak bisa dibayangkan, hanya karena kesalahan kecil itu yang saya lakukan, dia harus mengakhiri riwayatnya.

saat-saat duka itu datang kemudian. manusia memang mahkluk yang paling pandai menjadikan kepergian, perpisahan, dan kesedihan 100 kali lipat lebih dramatis dari kenyataan. termasuk saya sepertinya.

pukul 12.10 saat itu, bersama seorang kawan lama... kami berdua hendak menikmati mie baso pinggir gerbang unpad yang aromanya menggoda siapapun yang lewat. namun cara jalan saya yang lasak membuat kaki saya tergelincir. dan ...

dan begitulah seketika, tanpa ada pesta perpisahan dan bahkan firasat yang mengatakan bahwa waktu kebersamaan kami yang lebih dari tiga tahun harus berakhir, bugi menamatkan riwayatnya. tempat saya menjepitkan jempol dan keempat jari kakinya itu putus.

di jalan sepanjang seratus meter yang sepi ini saya tak kunjung henti bergerutu sambil membaca lembar-lembar ingatan saya bersama dia yang selalu mendampingi langkah saya dalam banyak hal, dalam banyak momentum hidup dimana tawa dan tangis bisa tumpah tanpa penadah.

adios, bugi!!!!*

-bugi, rest in peace

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* kadang saya bingung saat akan bepergian. bugi saya sudah tidak ada. tak ada satu alas kaki pun yang bisa menggantikan sandal gunung yang gagah dan tegar itu.